This post will be just as much ministering to myself as I am to you. I read recently that nothing will change in your life until you’re sick of yourself. When I read it I nodded with understanding; I knew I was ready for a change. It wasn’t until the last 3 days that I realized what being sick of yourself really feels like. I woke up and looked around my life and was very upset about what I saw. Don’t get me wrong I don’t have an awful life, but right now I will describe it as comfortable yet stagnate. I know what my purpose is and I’ve been working towards it daily, but I haven’t taken on any drastic changes to go after it.
This summer I’ve learned that overthinking your dream can hinder it just as much as a lack of planning. When you have a dream it’s normal for you to want all the decisions that you make pertaining to it to be the correct one. In my case it has been where and when I should relocate. Relocation is a big deal for me because it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and something that I will be doing alone. I often wonder if I move to the “wrong” place will my dreams not flourish. What if I get too settled in and lose sight of what I set out to accomplish? What if I fail and have to pack up and head back to Arkansas? Is what I’m trying to do realistic and mature ?
I’ve become sick of this way of thinking. Before I graduated I envisioned myself moving to a place that was more upbeat than where I currently am. I would get a full-time job, my own place and invest in my creative projects. I would travel to other places around the world and just live the life of a vibrant 20-something-year-old. I’ve noticed that my life has been on the total opposite track of this due to my overthinking (and due to the challenges of landing a job BEFORE I move). Between the planning, overthinking and job hunting it’s like I’ve been on a hamster wheel. It’s all been so draining, however I am proud of my persistence — I’m just in dire need of a better method.
A mixture of planning and risking goes into going after your dreams. Thanks to planning, I’ve had to come to terms with certain goals I can’t accomplish right away, but that doesn’t mean I should go off the deep in, in my negativity. Truth is everything has a little risk in it; there will always be pros and cons in life that I have to get over and adjust to no matter where I go. You can’t be so caught up in overthinking your dream that you allow it to be swallowed whole. Failure isn’t fun, but it’s part of the process. If you come across a failure you have to remember that there is power in starting over.
It’s time for me to embark on a new journey. I don’t think I woke up feeling the way I have been feeling for the last 3 days by mistake. I believe it’s God lighting a fire under me and I’m taking heed to it. I would much rather be out in the playing field than to keep pondering about what could go wrong.