One of the biggest headaches I’ve had about dating is figuring out if a woman should approach a man that she’s interested in. Sure, I’ve heard from Steve Harvey and men who I know say no, “men are the hunters, women don’t have to do anything.” Sounds simple until time goes by and it’s not going down in the Dms or anywhere else. There have been several times when I have gotten dressed up nice and went to events that I knew would be tons of potential mates would be and I would barely get a “hi”. So maybe guys don’t even know what they are talking about when it comes to men, cause the whole waiting thing wasn’t working like it did in my head when I thought I’d walk into a room and my crush would have the intense urge to get to know me.
So I would reason that I should talk to the guy I liked first because:1) Guys get shy/afraid of rejection too – They are human you know. Rejection and shyness isn’t a feminine trait. Your crush can be just as nervous about talking to you as you are talking to him. 2) Maybe he hasn’t noticed me – I know I’m a pretty girl, but I’m always aware that I’m the girl next door that the guy usually doesn’t realized he’s in love with until 15 mins before the movie ends. 3) He might think I’m taken – Although I never really hang out with a bunch guys or take pictures with any for some reason I have had a few of my crushes tell me they thought I was taken. I deemed all of those things reasonable for me going up to a guy and letting him know I was interested. But even that didn’t worked out. I’ve learned that some guys are turned off by me approaching them, because either they are too used to it from other women or they feel that I’m being too aggressive. I have also encountered guys who have expected to do assume their role (asking them on a date and taking the lead all together) since I approached them.
It always leads back to the same question; should women approach men first. I was watching the Steve Harvey show the other day when a woman with a similar issue came on. She was saying how she got dressed up nice, went to events and had a lot of things going for herself and yet it had been a full year since a guy approached her. She was a beautiful woman and I was so happy to hear her story. The simple answer from Shamar Moore and Steve Harvey was that men have been made lazy by women (too many of y’all throwing it back and sliding in Dms on the regular) so not all of them feel that urge to approach women. They suggested the woman should approach a guy if she felt confident enough to do so, but to make sure not to come on too strong or to try online dating, because that’s a way of letting others looking for love know that you are single and looking as well.
I have to admit that this advice is helpful, but a little overdue for me. I’m in a different place in my life than I was when this question was really knowing at me. My attitude towards dating has when from “what I gotta do to get someone to notice me” to “I’m going to live my life how I’m meant to and by doing so I will attract the right one to me. I still hope I meet my husband soon, but a little over a year ago I felt my spirit being led to focus on myself and my purpose and that, that’s what would lead me to my husband. Of course I didn’t listen, because I wanted him now and I was used to being single, but not used to 100% not entertaining anyone at all. Since I’ve graduated and my main goal has been to make the next big step into my adulthood, I have finally grasped onto what it means to be focused on my purpose. It not only means career wise, but focused on becoming the type of woman I’m meant to be physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve found that not entertaining people that you know it won’t go anywhere with liberating and not as lonely as I thought it would be. I know my future husband is out there and he doesn’t need a seat warmer. Plus all of this time on my hands frees me to do tons of things I need to do and always wanted to do.
So should women approach men? I’ve come to peace with the idea that you should do whatever God is leading you to do. In my case it’s to focus on myself and let a guy notice me for once instead of practically jumping up and down and screaming “I’m it.” For you the answer might taking a leap and getting on dating website or the Steve Harvey show. It might be not asking a guy out exactly, but simply introducing yourself. Whatever God is telling you to do you have to believe He has already mapped it out. I think I waited so long to be obedient and really focus on myself was because I put the guys I liked on a high pedestal. It would be like, he’s smart, he’s fine, his future is looking great and so on. I would also dismiss my own greatness in doing so and felt like there is no way a guy like that would notice me; I’m invisible so I can’t wait I have to speak up now. Now I’m learning to see thing awesomeness in others without dismissing my own and allowing positive things and life changes to bring forth my life’s needs. I know this year so many people are looking for a blessing in their romantic lives and I hope you get it.